Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Personal Slogans Of The Season

Publish the notes. Show 'em how to care. I'm studying studying. Under the paperwork radar. Trust the code.

I'll have mentioned "it almost makes you glad to be alive"... and today a stranger pointed out a rainbow to me and I tried out a variant along the lines of "it's like just for a second you can believe God wants us to be happy" on her and she took it smiling. The quote's probably not quite right. Because not only am I "not even acquainted with my own desires" but I can't even remember my own doggone words. Which reminds me.

That second quote's from a line of Dylan's. At first I thought it was just the turn of a phrase (to the effect of "I can't think straight"... or, more memorably, "they've got their hooks in him so deep he doesn't know which end's up" [On The Waterfront (from memory at second hand; an ex of mine was impressed with "hooks" here—the characters worked with big hooks—and mentioned it to me; I find it worth reporting now because Dylan swiped a line from the same picture ["for the love of a lousy buck"])]). But no. I say it all the time now and indeed it's sort of taken on some almost mystical Deep Truth feeling.

I'm not even acquainted with my own desires. Like suppose I'm getting real impatient working with a tutee: that feels like it's because of things going on between us in working on whatever our math problem is... but I've recently convinced myself on at least a few occasions that it's "really" because it's been way too long since I had anything to eat. (Oh. So this "hunger" you speak of feels like everybody's being deliberately obtuse. Good to know.)

Now, that kind of thing has got to be pretty common, and might even serve as sort of a counterexample: you're just as aware as the next guy and becoming more aware all the time, there, Vlorbik... stop being so paranoid.

But then there's this.

I told Ma recently "I don't know why I feel like I have to do everything the hard way... I just do"... and a little later had worked out enough of a theory to've told Madonn' that

"I seem to've decided never to believe anything that 'everybody' says: I refuse to learn from anybody else's mistakes... I have to act everything out for myself." So we're evidently looking at something like classical freudian neurosis (which of course is still well within the range of the normal but begins to suggest that there may at last be some point... "where id was, there will ego be" and all).

It turns out this is a far bigger can of worms than I can chew at this point... I've got several more paragraphs but they now appear to be too unformed even for me... this is a deep vein.

So. Six AM. The coffeehouse is open. Free WiFi. Out the door, with joy in my heart, to go meet my beloved students once again (or close up the walls with our english dead)... and my brandnew favorite personal slogan: "let's go publish something!".


  1. evidently there's a
    new dylan record.

    love and theft was astonishing
    (modern times was merely amazing).

  2. he's still bob; here's
    chicago after dark.

    oh. and tell-tale signs melted my heart
    of course. the oh mercy stuff was mostly
    all better than the original release, for example.
    may his songs always be sung.

  3. and here's beyond here lies nothin.
    lyrics too. and some crazy new gimmick. whee.

  4. follow-up post.

    madon' got me the new album yesterday
    but i won't hear it till tomorrow.
    i've played those two songs several times each, natch...

  5. "no yin without a yang".
    "the tao we speak of is not the tao."
    "the hits just keep on coming."

  6. the album in question...
    together through life
    didn't blow me away at first
    but has been sinking in
    as many another dylan album did
    before i really loved it.

    what's *really* got me hooked these days
    is, well, tell tale signs still, but my
    "patriot center" bootleg (11/22/02).
    which i've only now realized i've only
    got half of loaded onto Legion.
    getting right on that.